Sleep Before Waking

I am truly patient with children’s entertainment.

Well, I would like to be. I’ve seen everything from Sesame Street Live to the Toe Jam Puppet Band and in all honesty, I’ve thought, “Wow, this was rad for the wee ones. Look at them, I feel like I’m at a Beatles Concert right now.”

Then this new show came on Nickelodeon. The Fresh Beat Band…

I want to kill each and every one of them.

Now, it isn’t the music. The music is spectacular. Catchy, less than completely obnoxious, by NO means Barney caliber, but the banter? Oh dear god, the banter between musical numbers literally makes my eyelids melt with the fury of my eyeballs rage at having been forced to witness such a thing.

Now, I know kids don’t think twice about banter being a bit too cheesy for even the dankest deep dish, but at some point, she will be old enough to realize that normal people don’t get into these sorts of situations and if they did, they’d be committed to some lunatic asylum within a fortnight. As a result of this show, I have started contemplating rooftop machine guns and Anthrax. Ok, not so much.

I might be on a government list now because I mentioned Anthrax.

……Anthrax.