Caitlin Carrigan – Cheesy Romance Novel Character
My love life has indeed been mentioned on this blog here, but perhaps you were unaware that it was so completely epic that there has even been a pulp novel published on the subject of my tarty escapades.
Sure, maybe I was only 14 when this book was released, but I assure you, I am the formulaic and vapid siren that graces the pages of this novel.
ALWAYS A BRIDESMAID
Bachelor Arms resident Caitlin Carrigan liked being a bridesmaid, never a bride. She and Lily would help Blythe put on a spectacular wedding, worthy of a Hollywood star, even though Cait thought wedded bliss an impossibility. After a childhood spent with an endless array of new stepparents, Caitlin vowed never to marry. But lady-killer Sloan Wyndham was the toughest opponent she’d ever met. He knocked down all her defenses and seduced his way into her bed… and her heart. Her answer was still no, wasn’t it?
Aaah, Sloan. What can I say about him. The cliched rascal that challenged me and flirted his way into my heart like only a romance novel character can. We have nine children now, and he still has all his hair.
All kidding aside, (if that is possible) I have actually written some autobiographical pieces on the subject of my love life, (including a midterm for my Autobiography Class that started with the line “I’ve known three cocks in my life.” That was years ago, before the shitstorm hit) but the fact that this book mentions Sloan is just out of line! Describing the gnarly and ridiculous way that he wooed his way into my bed, and then describe the act of bedding me with language you’d find in Where the Wild Things Are is utterly unacceptable. Bitch didn’t even quote me accurately.
There will be a novel written by my own hand that stars me one day, I’ve had a pretty entertainingly rad trip thus far and it will only get better, but it’s good to know that its predecessor was such a flaming pile of hardened post fondue cheese.
Oh, and I have yet to be a Bridesmaid! Nonsense! This book got it all wrong!
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